Aku ingat aku boleh bertahan, tetap tabah walaupun apapun terjadi

Entah mengapa tiba-tiba semua ketekadanku hilang pada hari ini

Aku seperti hilang semua keyakinanku, keazamanku, keinginan ku untuk meneruskan lagi

Terapung di tengah laut, hanya dihanyut oleh ombak beralun- alun entah ke mana

Aku rasa hari ini bukan hariku, perasaanku kini bukan di dalam kawalanku

Aku cuba untuk melepaskan semuanya

Seorang di bilik hanya menjadikan keadaan semakin teruk, berasa sunyi

Saya harap keadaan akan menjadi lebih baik esok...........

Hoping tomorrow will be better day ( quote from my first blog )

I do not why ? Somehow I am unhappy today

Somehow I am tired with everything that I am doing now

Somehow I will never stop busy, doing things which sometimes I wish I am not doing

Then I wonder, should I give myself a break..doing something crazy again..let myself have a rest

But things I have to do are alot...never done...

Argghhhhhhhhh

I just want to be alone :-(

Why did we struggle to live our life ?

To be the slave of our destiny

A phrase that I got to know lately, come to think about it. It is indeed true. However, I should say we should struggle to live our life not to be the slave of our destiny but to be the master of our destiny. We shouldn't just follow what have been arranged for us. We should instead fight for the best for our life. We only live our life once, so make sure we did not regret with what we do. Do what you want and what you think is the best for you. Be selfish sometimes if you want, that is life which we can't change anything about that. Just be sure with what you want.

Last two days ago, I went to a place

A place which I thought I will never visit again

However, there I am

At a place which brings a lot of sad memories from the past

Memories which I do not want to recall

Seems to me that I have no choice

There I am, listening to things which I do not wish to listen

Things that suprise me and make me sad

There, I told myself I must be strong

Only then, things can be done

Somehow, I just want to say......

Haihzzzzzzzzzzz................

Alone , Thinking and Wondering

Alone in front of my old computer desktop, thinking

What I want in my life is not much, I just want a simple life

I did not wish for anything more, just a simple and happy life

However, it seems I will not have the simple life I want

Eventhough, I know I need to keep on going ( my dad always told me, you still have a long way to go )

I know the fact and I will keep on going no matter what happen

But sometimes, I am just tired of everything that are happening now

Seems to me that it will not have an end or a fullstop for it with the things that is happening to me now

Giving up will never be one of my options eventhough I did wonder about it

As I know, eventhough life is hard, I still need to keep on going which I always take my dad's words for it

I just wonder why all these things are happening to my family and me

I know there is no use wondering but do keep on doing stuffs which are useful to us

Somehow, that what I called life, we know what we are supposed to do but yet we sometimes tend to do the wrong things in our life which I did some wrong decision in my life

To all my friends, appreciate what you have now

Be thankful and grateful with what you have

Be strong when you are facing problem, problem might seems serious but actually it is simple ( on the way of changing my mindset )

Be happy with your friends around you and appreciate them

Be sure in what you want and what you want to do in your life ( don't be like me, always unsure..end up as a failure )

Do things you want to do instead of doing things you need to do ( i am still learning )

Learn to say NO to things you do not want or to do in your life ( i wonder when i can master that skill )

Conclusion, live your life as lively as possible. We only live for once, why don't we make it a meaningful one ?

Today, I have my dinner together with my best friend at mamak stall. Both of us talked about our university life and our view on various matters. I feel relieved after talking with my best friend. I always feel happy and relieve after telling all my problem to him. Thanks, YL.

Somehow, I miss the things that I have written in my first blog. Whatever, I have written on my first blog is truly what I feel. Well, I can't do anything about it now since I have deleted it.

First Day Back Home

18.02.07

Today is my first day back home for my Chinese New Year cum midterm holiday break. I have kinda pleasant journey back home. I woke up around 5.45 am, thanks to my two friends who become my alarm clock. If not, I guess I will definitely overslept and be late again. However, I am not the latest to arrive this time but is my other friend which I thought to be a person who is punctual. Four of us then took cab to the Singapore's custom. There, we have to queue for a long time as people are heading back to their hometown as well. We then have our breakfast at mamak stall. It has been a while since I have my breakfast at mamak stall.

The journey back to KL took us around 5 hours. I spend most of my time sleeping in the bus as I slept late a night before. The rest of the time, I am just wondering about a lot of things. Finally, i reached home at around 4.30 pm. I greeted everyone in my family before I enter my room to put my stuffs. Once I am in my room, I locked my door and cried ( some might know the reason why I cried, what I can say is she changed a lot compared to last time ). This is my 3rd time crying for this semester. I used to be a person who hardly cry but somehow the tears just come out from my eyes. I told myself I have to be strong as I have promise myself and my friends who are supporting me. I must keep on stay positive in front of her. I can't let her worry about me.

In the night, we all ( family members ) have our dinner and snacks together. Then, we have a small gambling session with my uncles and cousins. I guess it is common for every family to gamble between themselves during Chinese New Year. It is a time when we all family members can have fun together. Winning or losing does not matter. Indeed, we all have fun together. I hope this happiness last forever for my family.

Thought of the Day

Well, everyone is leaving back to home tonight. I am back alone in my room and wondering what to do next. I am supposed to pack now but I am lazy, so I just ignore the packing process now. Actually, I suddenly feel sad when I am saying goodbye and Happy Chinese Year to my friends who are leaving tonight. Somehow, I feel lonely as they are gone back to their home and I still have a night to go through before I can head back home. I have a feeling I won't like coming back to NUS after I am back home. There are too many things at home which I can't let go, too many things at home I am worry about. I just wish I can stop my education at NUS and won't be coming back to here anymore. However, I know that I need to stay strong. I will not not give up after being here for more than one semester. I will definitely go through my 4 years of university life with colors. Deep in my heart, I know I have my friends that will be supporting me.

I manage to hear some suprise news again today. However, it do not bother me anymore. I learnt one important lesson after the talk with the person I thank earlier. In life, alot of matters can be viewed in different ways. It is always depend on our mindset, how do you view a particular matter. A problem might seems very serious and big, but if you can look at the problem from another side, the problem is not that serious as you think. There is always another way of viewing a particular problem. The most important thing is we must not be stubborn in what we are doing. We must be flexible as we might just making things getting worse for us by being stubborn. Does it worth it? We know for sure, we have to keep going and stay strong no matter happen. So, why don't we view a particular problem in a different way, in a simpler way instead thinking the problem will get worse day by day. Of course, I know that talking is much more easier than done. However, it is always back to your mindset. If you are able to change it, you will be a better person. As far that I know about myself, I am changing and I am getting better. I can't believe actually things can be solved if you look at different way. As for example, I am actually very down for last week, at the edge of giving up. Then, my friend said to me " Boon Tiong, you can't think that way. Imagine if you give up or collapse, what will happen to your siblings ? You are the one they are holding on. If you give up, who will they will be holding on ? ". My friend's statement wake me up, like giving a slap on my face. She is indeed right. From that moment, I know if I think in that way earlier, I won't be at the edge of giving up. No matter how hard the problem might be, I still need to be strong, at least for the sake of my family. So, why am I making my life so miserable at that particular time, being sad and down for one week ? It won't help in improving the problem I am having now instead I am just wasting my time. Why didn't I do something that is more meaningful ?

I must really thank her for waking me up. Now, I feel much more better. When I am facing a problem now, eventhough I know I will be sad, there is nothing much I can do. The feeling will be there no matter what happen. Why don't I just do somethings that will benefits me instead of keep thinking ? I am glad that I am getting better now. No matter what will happen in the future, I just need to be strong and think positive. Things will just happen naturally sometimes and we just need to brave to face it.

I wish everyone here who are viewing my blog, A HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR. Have a nice holiday.

Friends

I am here again start writing blog for a second time. My first blog was deleted as there is too many sad things in the first blog. I was upset and down for previous week. Things keep haunting me and make me worry. I am fortunate to manage to find a friend who is willing to listen to me and advising me. I am grateful that she actually make me feel so relieve. It is good to release everything out. I want thank her again here, a million thank you to you. Then, i remember she telling me one description about real friend. Real friend: True friend in need are friend indeed.

I actually think about the friends that I have here. I seems to have alot of friends according to many people's opinion but they did not realize that most of my friends are my "hi bye" friends. I can only say that I have many friends but how many of them are my true friends ? My fellow coursemates and I very close and always hang around all the time. But deep in my heart, I realize that we might seems very close from outside but the fact is we are not. We do not know each other that well. I might know them abit well regarding their characteristic as I am the kind of person who like to analyze other people's behaviour. People always think that we are very close and seems to be a strong group of friends. My opinion is we are not. We might able to have fun together but NOW, we all are not true friend to each others yet. In my group, they always refer me as the "tiang" of the group, as without me there will not have this group. But I always think that for a group to stay as friends and close, the responsibility is not rely on a person only, it rely on the members of the group as well. If not, that particular group who is so called group of good friends are not real friends. Even for me, I am still wondering whether my true friends lie within this group. They did not give me a feeling that I can talk about my problem to them even though I do talk to them partially sometimes. When I am down or upset, they will not be there for me or I can say that I will hardly find them to talk. I do not want my friends to listen to me as they are just pity me but I want friends who care and willing to listen to me as they understand. The person who I thank earlier is a person used to be my "hi bye" friend but she make me touched as she is willing to listen to me and give me a feeling that she did not listen because she pity me but care as friend. This is what I call true friend: True Friend In Need Are Friend Indeed.

In NUS, I can only say that I have only a few true friends. I can claim myself to be very lonely indeed. However, I shall stay strong and think positive. At least, I still have these few true friends and a good daughter supporting me. I should be very grateful to have them beside me. Thank you.

:-)

I am sorry if I offended anybody especially my group of friends. I am just writing what I think and feel.